Getting Hitched

October 22nd. I drove my Trailblazer into town and picked up a log-splitter-trailer-thingy to get some work done in the new pasture we were clearing. Dropped it off in the pasture and was on the phone with Sarah when I pulled up to the gate. (For quick reference, the gate is on a downhill slope.) I put the car in park, open the gate, and get back in the driver's seat. I shift the car from park to drive and...the car goes backwards, and not just because of the hill. I hit the brakes, glance at the gear shift and...it's stuck in reverse. It never made it to drive. Just went to reverse and stuck. I wiggle it, play with it, and consider my situation.

Seeing how I need to hurry and close the gate before an animal gets out, I coast down the hill, drive the car in reverse around the barn, and back it up the hill and through the gate. Because gravity pulls the car downhill, but the stuck-in-reverse-engine makes the car want to go uphill, the parking brake manages to balance everything out and keep the car from moving so I can jump out and close the gate.

At this point, I tell Sarah that I need to call her back and end my phone call. Then I sit there for another few minutes, trying to figure out how to get my car out of reverse. The gear shift refuses to budge. If I take the parking brake off and step off the brake, the car goes backwards.

So I decide to turn the car off and then on again. That always works, right?

Haha, nope. It turns off, but because the car is in reverse, and I can't get it out of reverse, it won't turn back on.

So I do the phone call of shame and Dad comes, also can't get it to start, and we leave it. The tow truck comes to take it to the repair shop, and I head to work in my mom's car.

(I promise this story is going somewhere....)

The next day, Friday, I get a call from my dad. The conversation basically went like this:

Dad: Hey, I went back to the barn and there are horses on the road.

Me: Are they my horses?Dad: No.Me: What do they look like? Is there a yellow one? *thinks of Richard, the closest neighbor who has a couple horses, two of which are palominos.

Dad: Yes, there's a yellow one and a black and white one.

Me: *panics, because Richard doesn't have any paints* *panics more, because another neighbor, Betsy, is out of town, and has a buckskin and a paint*

Dad: They're running around, I think you need to come home and help us catch them.

So I leave work, drive the 10 minutes home, and see three horses that I've never seen before. By the time I arrive, their owner has come to help catch them. Apparently a tree had fallen on the fence, and they had gotten out and run off.

Dad kindly offered to hitch up the trailer so they could drive the horses back instead of lead them back through the woods. The hitch on the trailer is my fancy $200 Amazon hitch - 

(Quick Interruption to tell the story of the $200 Amazon hitch...when I bought my 2-horse, the only hitch I had with the right size ball made the trailer tilt up at such an angle that the front set of tires were lifted off the ground. My dad said to buy a new hitch that would drop down lower for the trailer, and offered to split the cost with me, since it would go on his truck and he would use it as well. Long story short, he never paid me back, and I keep forgetting to remind him, and at this point, i really don't care. Anyway, I went to Amazon, picked out a heavy duty, fancy hitch and when I went to order, Amazon gave me the whole "try Amazon prime, and we'll ship this 2-day for free!" And I calculated the weight of the box with this heavy hitch, said "okay, then, your funeral" and took the free trial. And then cancelled it shortly after. But I got my hitch in 2 days.)

- and back to the story. So I go to flip the ball size on my hitch, since I need the 2'' ball for the red trailer and...it won't come off. I jiggle it, shake it, pound it on the ground, but nothing happens. My brother finds a hammer and manages to pound it off (and deafen everyone in a 3-mile radius), but now the connector is so damaged that we can't hammer it back in with the 2'' ball on top.

Rather frustrated at how my trusty hitch has suddenly decided not to work now, in the moment of emergency, I rummage around in the garage and grab one of the older hitches. We hitch up the red trailer, load the runaway horses, and get them home. When I mention to my dad that I had troubles with my fancy hitch, he says, "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you...I was fixing something at the barn and couldn't find a hammer, so I used your hitch and think I broke it."

The next day, Saturday morning, I get up and begin to prepare for my usual Saturday trail ride. I load everything up in my 2-horse as always, and back the truck up to get hitched. That's when I realize I have the wrong hitch (a 2'' inch ball). And then I remember that Daddy broke my hitch. So I hurriedly pillage the garage until I find my old 2 5/16'' drop-down hitch (it's better than using the 3-ball hitch that makes the tires lift off the ground, but still is a little too high). I hitch up the trailer and go to plug in the lights when...

...the adapter is awol.

Well, not exactly. The adapter is on my Trailblazer, from when I pulled the log splitter. And the Trailblazer is still in the shop (I told you I had a point to that intro). So I pull out one of the new adapters, just to see if it still has the same problem. And it does. Basically, the truck brakes are so crap and the trailer brakes are so /sharp/, that using a brand new adapter makes the trailer brakes lock up. (So I use the old broken adapter, which somehow makes the lights work, but not the brakes.)

By now I'm worried I'll be late to the ride. So I switch hitches and hook up the red stock trailer. Only to find the pigs have chewed the cables so there is no way I'm getting any lights or brakes there, either. Oh, and the tag just expired like, a month ago. But at least this trailer is lighter and I'm just going 20 minutes down the road, and I'm not re-hitching anything.

So I move the tack into the truck, load the horses, and head out. The trail ride went well. I get my car repaired and back from the shop. All is good.

The next weekend, my dad needed the truck to help a friend move, so he took the flatbed. No worries, I said, I'll just pull the stock trailer with the Trailblazer (the 2-horse is too heavy for the Falcon, but she pulls the red one just fine). That's when I remember the lights haven't been fixed. And since my car is a good step down or two from the truck, I decide I'd rather have brakes for this. (Thankfully, my friend is able to pick me up, and we still went on the ride.)

Then the third weekend comes. My family is out of town, and I'm meeting with a friend to go ride in VA. I remember my hitch problems on Friday, and while on lunch break, run to Tractor Supply, examine the row of hitches, and look for a 2 5/16'' drop-down hitch (that's lower than the one I already have). Finding one, I make my purchase and head back to work, feeling, for once, on top of the game.

Saturday morning I go to hitch up and...the hitch will not fit on my truck. The shaft is too big. (Like....why?????) So I go to use my old drop-down hitch and...I can't find it. It's gone. Vanished. Yeeted into the void and blasted into oblivion.

I'm driving to VA. Over the mtns. I need brakes and lights (so I can't take the red one, which still doesn't have hookups...or a current sticker). But I'm not driving up and down the mtns with the first set of tires spinning uselessly in the air. And the closest tractor supply store is 30 minutes away...

After calling my family and friends to complain, I search the truck one more time and manage to find my old drop-down hitch. With that, I am able to successfully hook up safely and use the old adapter to have lights/turn signals. (And we had a very good 18 mile ride in VA, if you're curious.)

Earlier last week, I returned the new hitch to Tractor Supply and found that, for some reason, they don't have any drop-down 2 5/16 hitches with a smaller shaft that would fit my truck (Ford 250).

So yeah. Hope you enjoyed that little taste of my life.