Bribing Myself

Why do we have to use rewards to make ourselves do something we want to do?

I do this to myself a lot.

My goals are set month by month, and this past September I was going to fall short of my goal if I didn't step up. Admittedly, I'd been goofing off a bit; I also had a hard few days where I let myself relax and go to bed early instead of write.

So I told myself "if you reach your goal, you can buy a nice new book off Amazon."

That was Friday. I buckled down and sped through Friday night and Saturday night. I don't write on Sundays. Then Monday evening rolled around. I sat on my bed after family devotions and said "I'm going to get this done."

And I did. I got a little tired around 10:30, so I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and got into my PJs. Then back to writing. And I did it. I finished the tenth draft (or editing round) or Words of Bravery.

After thinking about it the next day, I decided not to get myself that book. Why? (Mostly because I'm cheap and I have way too many books waiting around to be read anyway.)

But mostly because I wanted that draft to be finished. I wanted to have it done. Because I want to be published.

I shouldn't have to bribe myself to do something I already want to do.

The draft being complete is reward enough. It got done by the deadline I set. And now that book is complete (save maybe one final grammar/nitpicking edit). It's done.

That's my reward.

Setting goals for yourself is great, and adding rewards might be helpful. But if you have to trick yourself, bribe yourself, pull yourself along kicking and screaming, to get something done that you know you want done...be honest. You're lazy.

STOP.

"I'm not lazy." I say that to myself a lot. I work 9-5, come home and do farm work until dinner.

"I earned this." I say to myself as I mindlessly scroll through FaceBook while my writing time ticks away.

"I'm not feeling it." I say as I stop editing after 15 minutes.

"I'm just tired." I say as I put my laptop away and then spend the next 20 minutes on Instagram - and not going to bed.

STOP.

I'm done. I'm done claiming I'm too tired to write and then staying up watching Studio C videos. I'm done wasting my time.

Yes, I know I need to take care of myself. I know I need to make sure I don't get "burnt out" and all. But y'know what? Earlier in the day I was out going for a quick, relaxing horse ride. After dinner I played a few songs on the piano. I watched a Studio C with my little sisters before they went to bed. I don't need any more "chill time" for the day. I need to stop watching YouTube and I need to sit my butt on my bed and I need to write.

I'm sick and tired of not feeling "in the mood" to write. I'm tired of my lazy self procrastinating and putting things off and convincing myself I deserve time off. I'm tired of feeling guilty when I check the time and realize I don't actually feel tired and I could have spent the last 30 minutes editing instead of doing absolutely nothing productive.

I'm sick and tired of baiting myself. I'm done with that, guys. I'm going to set my goals, and I'm going to reach those goals, and I'm not going to drag myself through every milestone. I'm going to buckle down and hold myself responsible for my time and make sure I'm not just wasting my evenings and I'm going to get these books done.

I'm sick and tired of being a writer. I want to be an author. And that will be my reward.