Comments I Could Do Without

This idea for this post came to me during NaNo, and I very much enjoyed creating this post.  Hopefully y'all enjoy it as well!



"What's your book about?"
I'm sorry, my brain just died.

"Can I speak to the manager?"
I am the manager, fear me.

"Why is your car named The Falcon?"

I take it you've never seen Star Wars...

"How come your horses are so dirty?"
Because they roll in the mud and sleep a lot.  Lazy beasts.

"Is the electric fence on?"

Touch it and find out, because I'm not going to.

"Why is the check engine light on?"
Rule One: The Falcon lies.

"Is your car supposed to make that sound?"

Technically no, but the Falcon is very much the little TrailBlazer that cried wolf, hence Rule One.

"Do you want to go for a run tonight?"
Haha, do I look like I want to?

"How many miles are you planning to run tonight?"

I'm going to see how far I can get before I die - to the end of the parking lot and back to the car, basically.

"Are you really gonna wear that?"
No, I just showed up wearing this outfit to surprise you.  I'm heading back to change now...

"You signed up for a race.  Are you going to train?"

Um, nope.

"How are you running this race?  You haven't even been training?"
I run off adrenaline, sugar, and regret.

"Are you published yet?"

While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

"Why do you carry a gun?  What are you sacred of?"
Nothing.

"Can I gallop your horse?"

Spoken by someone who's never been on the back of a horse until I offered to lead them around on one of mine.

"Have you finished your book?"

"This is just a ravine!  Do you really go sledding here?"

Spoken by someone prior to spending six weeks in a full body cast.


"Why so many knives?"
 

"Did you forget your saddle or are you really planning to do this long and fast ride bareback?"

Um, looks like I am now.

"Did you remember to grab your lunch when you left home?"
There was lunch??

"Did you remember to grab your car keys before you locked the door?"

Ha, yes I did, they're in my...oh, no, they're not.

"Did you remember to grab your shoes before you left the house?"
Shoes are overrated.  Socks only is the new norm.

"What else did you forget?"


"Really?"
 
"Can you stop playing that same song over and over?"
Look, I gotta learn it somehow, and playing it until I can seems to work best.  From now on, I'll try just learning a new song in one go.
 
"You know Tolkien wrote another book after The Lord of the Rings?  The Sil...the Silma-something-or-other?"
*whips The Silmarillion out of my purse*  You mean this one?
 
"Do you ride English or Western?"
Um, neither...
 
"So what do you do with your horses?"
Feed them, mostly.
 
"Is this post over yet?"
Yes, it is.  You may continue on with your day now.

23 comments:

  1. hahahahahhaha! Love your sarcasm ;D


    keturahskorner.blogspot.com

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  2. Your sarcasm is perfect, Julian! Perfect post for me to read as I lie here surrounded by crumpled tissues and half empty glasses.....(yes, I'm sick with a cold - your humor is much appreciated)

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    1. Oh no!! I hope you get to feeling better!!! *shoves tissue boxes and tea your way*

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  3. Replies
    1. I laughed so many times while preparing it...couldn't wait to share it.

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  4. This is amazing! I loved all the comments, but the gun one? WOW. Can I get that on a T shirt?

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    1. YES if you make a tshirt, tell me, and I'll buy a few! :)

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  5. Love the amount of snark in this post. XD

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  6. So funny haha! Yep, I don't touch the electric fence either.

    astorydetective.blogspot.com

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    1. I try not too...but I've already been shocked twice this month. Hopefully it's not a sign as to how the whole year will go.

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  7. Haha! I love The Princess Bride and Star Wars references!!! Great post, Julian!!

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  8. All of this is pure genius. Brilliant! xD

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  9. Yes to all of these! This was so funny!!! >.<

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    Replies
    1. Glad to know I made people laugh (or at least smile)!

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  10. Some people can ask the most obvious questions,like "Why do you want more books?" Uuuuh, 'cause I need projectiles to throw at people who ask obvious questions??? Come on man! To READ THEM!
    or "why do you want so many knives?" TWO words: SHARP THINGS.
    XD
    This post was awesome. Behold my favorite line:

    "How many miles are you planning to run tonight?"
    I'm going to see how far I can get before I die - to the end of the parking lot and back to the car, basically.

    AND


    "So what do you do with your horses?"
    Feed them, mostly.

    (LOL - why is this SO true?????????)


    Also, "Rule one: The Falcon Lies" is pretty priceless. Just sayin.

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    Replies
    1. Knives are THE BEST. I could be a Blade if I wanted to...or maybe a Blade Marshal, anyway.

      Yeah, the "Check Engine" light comes on and off all the time. Randomly. For no reason. It freaks everyone else out.

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  11. I love these. XD Especially:

    "Are you published yet?"
    While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?

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  12. Hahaha, I see you have re-vamped your bloggo! Very funny post btw. I really liked all the little answers under each. I volunteer to touch the electro fence for you.

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